I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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