I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
