I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
