Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
