i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I deserve this hangover.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
