youre lurking in front of me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
