Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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