someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
