so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
