Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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