I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
