i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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