First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
