How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
