so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
