Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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