his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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