i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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