I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
