Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
