he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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