The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
