i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
