I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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