I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
