omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
