How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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