seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
