You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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