yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Congratulations! We have a period
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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