If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
