Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
