her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
