You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
