I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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