I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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