I can tuck mytits in my pants
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
