What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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