Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
