Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
