If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
