so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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