I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
