I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
