for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
