you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
