Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
