i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
