I wannas sexs uuuuu
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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