she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
