how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
