I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
