Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
