You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
